A typed note rests on my desk with this question Where am I headed?, and I read it every day.
I don’t know where I am headed
I do know that I am being prepared for something else; And I will recognize that calling or destination when the door or window opens
My prayer each day is your will for me God, and others
I listen and wait
Look and notice
Close my eyes and grow silent
Working and growing in compassion to meet the challenges of the day before me, as best I can
Nature and prayer are the balms that soothe my soul
Bathing under the canopy of the forest
Listening to the wind as it sways the trees’ trunks and limbs, they join in song, singing to one another is the music of my heart
Early morning, the birds’ song and banter brings a feeling of comfort like a flannel blanket on a cold day
Creating art from photos or gathered pieces of paper and moss, paint on canvas, herbs wrapped in string and presented as bouquets
Where am I headed?
Perhaps the answer is to grow deeper in gratitude for all the gifts I’ve been given – a compassionate heart, a listening ear, eyes that see, arms and legs that move and carry me from place to place, a knowingness that all is well …. and, more will be revealed – Hope.
Definition of Epiphany: a sudden manifestation or perception of the essential nature or meaning of something
This week I’ve had two –both with men, both familial.
The first with my son during a telephone conversation from him, which I listened as he spoke to me about his life, responsibilities, wants and needs. As I listened, what I heard was a type of discontent. And, it dawned on me that this may be what I have often echoed to my own parents, and how sad it must have been for them to have heard this same discontent from me for years. I decided right then to consciously change this language to content, possible and hopeful with all persons one conversation, one day at a time.
The second epiphany came last night when I shared with my father the first epiphany and he listened and looked at me and then said, you must have forgotten how you were as a young girl – I did NOT expect to hear these words or the examples of heart ache he described thereafter. Yet, I listened. I apologized for the heartache I bestowed unknowingly on him and my mother.
And then, I shared my perceptions of what happened in my life at that time. As he listened, and he did, I knew he was hearing my recollection and realization much differently. It was a lot to absorb for both of us. And even as I share this now, I know that we will both never be the same. For me, I will be more compassionate, listen more, talk less, need less, and continue to strive for that balance, that art of contentment.
As Easter approaches, and Lent comes to a close, I will share something I offered up during my Lenten journey with Christ. My Lenten Fast was this – to choose NOT to engage in any negative communication with others or toward myself, and if I slipped up, I would deposit $1 in a jar to be given to an organization for those who are less fortunate than myself such as MANNA FoodBank recipients or Catholic Charities. I may have $10 in the jar to distribute – not bad for 40 days of commitment and what I’ve learned is that this will be an ongoing way of life for me – listen more, talk less, if I must talk, be aware of my choice of words. An acronym for the word ‘THINK’ is this: Is what you are about to say: Thoughtful, Honest, Intelligent, Necessary and Kind? If so, it’s okay to proceed, if not, it’s best to just listen or move on.
the Christmas Star makes an appearance when Saturn and Jupiter form a brilliant star as they appear in the night sky.
Clouds part and the skies have been colorful!
Sunrises and sunsets are brilliant!
Will we have a white Christmas with fluffy snowflakes – enough to sled in? It’s everyone’s Christmas wish!
This year has proven to be one of the most challenging in my life and in the lives of everyone I know from Brussels to Washington State, Providence Rhode Island to Pantego North Carolina, every country, city, town and island in-between.
Recently a friend asked a question on Facebook has anyone accomplished anything they are proud of? I answered with the following:
I managed to live a grateful life
to forgive those who have hurt me over and over again for years
to schedule a meditation/yoga hour every morning before going to work at 8 a.m.
to participate in an 8 hour certification class for Reiki Tummo Level II
to listen more
to be more compassionate with others
spend more time in the woods
to write and converse with the Divine
to attend more meetings regarding recovery and self-discovery
to be an advocate for those suffering with the effects of a prescribed medication such as a benzodiazapene
to create more photocards
to draw more
to be more appreciative of my spouse and co-workers
to be more empathetic to those who have less and struggle more
There’s been many opportunities to love, to give, to share what I have with others, and I have done my best.
What will 2021 bring? I don’t know. What I do know is that praying to God and taking care of myself is essential, if I am to help others.
Planting seeds of kindness and gratitude will produce love the size of sunflowers.
May God bless each of you with health and a heart full of gratitude and kindess.