Writing

Where am I headed?

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A typed note rests on my desk with this question Where am I headed?, and I read it every day.

I don’t know where I am headed

I do know that I am being prepared for something else; And I will recognize that calling or destination when the door or window opens

My prayer each day is your will for me God, and others

I listen and wait

Look and notice

Close my eyes and grow silent

Working and growing in compassion to meet the challenges of the day before me, as best I can

Nature and prayer are the balms that soothe my soul

Bathing under the canopy of the forest

Listening to the wind as it sways the trees’ trunks and limbs, they join in song, singing to one another is the music of my heart

Early morning, the birds’ song and banter brings a feeling of comfort like a flannel blanket on a cold day

Creating art from photos or gathered pieces of paper and moss, paint on canvas, herbs wrapped in string and presented as bouquets

Where am I headed?

Perhaps the answer is to grow deeper in gratitude for all the gifts I’ve been given – a compassionate heart, a listening ear, eyes that see, arms and legs that move and carry me from place to place, a knowingness that all is well …. and, more will be revealed – Hope.

~ Anita Adams 5/30/2021

Longing

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to feel the wind on my face

to hear his voice

to hug my grandsons without masks

to retire and enjoy my days writing and creating art

to go to Mass and receive Communion

to sit on the shore at the beach, and listen to the ocean’s song, to feel its waves wash upon my feet

to bathe in the forest and breathe in the fragrance of pines and flaming azaleas

to finish a book or two

to be guided to where and what my true calling is

to love and know myself so well that naturally, love overflows to all those around me

to be more grateful

to be present in this moment, in this breath

~ Anita Adams 5/11/2021

Good Friday Reflections and more

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Tell me what I missed….

Today – I missed the basking in the warmth of the sun

Yesterday – I missed a walk in the evening

A Year ago – I missed celebrating Good Friday with my Mom

Missing the smiles behind the masks, the hugs from those I know and love, and those I like, but know not – yet

All the moments and hugs from my grandsons from September 2020 until now

Life and its fluidity

Making the most of those moments and grateful for the comforts I have – a partner, a home, eyes that see, ability to feel with my heart and mirror the love back that’s been gifted to me.

Prayers that go something like this….

I am Tree

Tiny seed placed in the ground

Watered and nurtured with sunlight

God’s spirit poured out on me

Help me grow a little at a time

Roots clinging to the earth

Filled with the Spirit

Nourished with nutrients to grow

Branches stretched up toward the Heavens

Swaying in the wind

Dancing, singing with birds and bees

Giving thanks to our Creator

Singing songs like I Believe

Thank you – Love, Me

©Anita Adams 2021

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Definition of Epiphany: a sudden manifestation or perception of the essential nature or meaning of something

Epiphany

This week I’ve had two –both with men, both familial.

The first with my son during a telephone conversation from him, which I listened as he spoke to me about his life, responsibilities, wants and needs. As I listened, what I heard was a type of discontent. And, it dawned on me that this may be what I have often echoed to my own parents, and how sad it must have been for them to have heard this same discontent from me for years. I decided right then to consciously change this language to content, possible and hopeful with all persons one conversation, one day at a time.

The second epiphany came last night when I shared with my father the first epiphany and he listened and looked at me and then said, you must have forgotten how you were as a young girl – I did NOT expect to hear these words or the examples of heart ache he described thereafter. Yet, I listened. I apologized for the heartache I bestowed unknowingly on him and my mother.

And then, I shared my perceptions of what happened in my life at that time. As he listened, and he did, I knew he was hearing my recollection and realization much differently. It was a lot to absorb for both of us. And even as I share this now, I know that we will both never be the same. For me, I will be more compassionate, listen more, talk less, need less, and continue to strive for that balance, that art of contentment.

As Easter approaches, and Lent comes to a close, I will share something I offered up during my Lenten journey with Christ. My Lenten Fast was this – to choose NOT to engage in any negative communication with others or toward myself, and if I slipped up, I would deposit $1 in a jar to be given to an organization for those who are less fortunate than myself such as MANNA FoodBank recipients or Catholic Charities. I may have $10 in the jar to distribute – not bad for 40 days of commitment and what I’ve learned is that this will be an ongoing way of life for me – listen more, talk less, if I must talk, be aware of my choice of words. An acronym for the word ‘THINK’ is this:  Is what you are about to say: Thoughtful, Honest, Intelligent, Necessary and Kind? If so, it’s okay to proceed, if not, it’s best to just listen or move on.

Happy Easter – Spring !

Another day

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rain falls outside in the dark

the sound is comforting

the ground is drinking

worms are swimming

keys are tapping

water splashing

another day has passed

it’s dark and time has lapsed

tick tock goes the clock

another day gone

work sucks the energy from me and he

another day inside

deprived of the trees

longing for the weekend

the forest

the trail

the streams

another day

tick tock

When I was three

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I lived by the sea

collecting sand and water in a sieve to see what I could see

When I was three

there were five more of us all under the age of eight, four brothers and a sister, making six

two parents, a house, a few blocks away – we’d walk to play in the biggest playground I’d ever seen

When I was three

life was simple

play and nap

eat and snack

until the sun set and the moon rose

When I was three

life was an adventure

swimming in the ocean

playing in the sand

oh… life was grand!

Fine?

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Monday

Martin Luther King, Jr. Day

Abscess discovered – root canal scheduled – yikes!

How’s your day

Fine you say

By the way, what does ‘fine’ mean

Not rough – boring- painful – just like yesterday

My day began and ended with an abscess

Now, it ends with a sigh – a record – relaxation and perhaps a giggle

It will not end with Fine

~ Anita Adams 1/18/2021

This Tree – Anita’s Tree was cut down from the Biltmore Grounds and a Sapling was planted. I wish the Sapling well. And I bid this beautiful Meadow Oak farewell.

2020 ends as Winter Solstice

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is upon us

followed by Christmas

nights are longer and colder

the Christmas Star makes an appearance when Saturn and Jupiter form a brilliant star as they appear in the night sky.

Clouds part and the skies have been colorful!

Sunrises and sunsets are brilliant!

Will we have a white Christmas with fluffy snowflakes – enough to sled in? It’s everyone’s Christmas wish!

This year has proven to be one of the most challenging in my life and in the lives of everyone I know from Brussels to Washington State, Providence Rhode Island to Pantego North Carolina, every country, city, town and island in-between.

Recently a friend asked a question on Facebook has anyone accomplished anything they are proud of? I answered with the following:

  1. I managed to live a grateful life
  2. to forgive those who have hurt me over and over again for years
  3. to schedule a meditation/yoga hour every morning before going to work at 8 a.m.
  4. to participate in an 8 hour certification class for Reiki Tummo Level II
  5. to listen more
  6. to be more compassionate with others
  7. to paint
  8. sew
  9. play games
  10. spend more time in the woods
  11. to write and converse with the Divine
  12. to attend more meetings regarding recovery and self-discovery
  13. to be an advocate for those suffering with the effects of a prescribed medication such as a benzodiazapene
  14. to create more photocards
  15. to draw more
  16. to be more appreciative of my spouse and co-workers
  17. to be more empathetic to those who have less and struggle more

There’s been many opportunities to love, to give, to share what I have with others, and I have done my best.

What will 2021 bring? I don’t know. What I do know is that praying to God and taking care of myself is essential, if I am to help others.

Planting seeds of kindness and gratitude will produce love the size of sunflowers.

May God bless each of you with health and a heart full of gratitude and kindess.

© Anita Adams 2020