a simple question has rested on my desk for a year or more –
it reads Where am I headed? – a great question. These are my reflections today….
Where am I headed?
Hours turn into days
days into weeks
weeks into months
time, tasks, memories and dreams are all that are left
an invisible bag of dreams
photographic and emotional memories
with no where to go, no where to run – except to God
as I stand at the foot of the mountain or a day of enormous work demands- before I climb – I pause, take a deep breath and pray to the Divine – ‘Guide me – I do not know where or what you want of me – Guide me’
exercising my body and mind – I follow a schedule and take each moment as it comes…
…. when moments of laughter or joy surface – I give in and embrace these as a miracle
when tears fall, I let them flow
at the end of the day, I see that I made it through another day – unscathed, stronger or softer, more open than closed, more grateful than not – perhaps, the answer to the question: Where am I headed? is this – Awareness and Gratitude for all the Blessings seen and felt.
when confined small spaces either mentally or physically cause one to hold their breath
when another way fails to present itself
when the prescribed medication turns into an addiction and you choose to continue to struggle for your memory each day and live, rather than be held hostage to the drug that’s coursing through your veins and wants you to take your life
when the scale has jumped ten pounds and clothing is too tight
when there’s no bread on the bread aisle even though you may not eat it, it makes you cry for those who do
when the rain falls from the sky full of acid and destroys the evergreens
when officials believe the Black lives don’t matter
when others are starving and we have plenty to share even if the bread shelves are empty
when the innocent are incarcerated without evidence or killed because of the color of one’s skin
heart cries out HELP to the one who resides within – and soon the cry becomes a prayer
and one day the prayer is answered by the one within with a question: What took you so long?
relaxed and assured – I know now – Enough is Enough
Days segue into weeks, into months and these are what I notice – the sounds of the birds in the morning are happy, joyful and free! Baby birds long for their morning food. The Cardinals, both mother and father are happily gathering birdseed from the feeders, the Robins are busy getting their fill from the soft ground and abundant selection of worms ;
This morning I awoke for some time to express myself to record my thoughts – I’ve been awake since 5ish, and as I sit typing away, the birds are calling to one another and although I can’t see them yet, I know their calls and hear their joy, not their concern;
The days are longer now. It appears that Spring has truly arrived with temperatures in the upper 70’s to low 80’s and the evenings in the upper 40’s to low 50’s.
Last week we were still having temperatures in the 30’s in the evenings and the highs were in the 50’s.
Our garden is twice the size of last year. I suggested we plant only spinach and some other herbs – cilantro, parsley and squash. My husband decided to plant our one and only tomato plant, recently purchased from the local Farmer’s Market in mid April when we had warmer temperatures for several days in a row. The tomato plant died in the first frost, the spinach survived and the squash was frostbitten last week although, he has assured me it’s coming back – yay!
A mourning dove is cooing and the cardinals, robins, catbirds, mockingbirds, bluebirds and Carolina wrens are gathering in clusters to exchange their morning hellos as the night sky gives way to the sun’s dawning;
My routine has been compounded with more work than I was accustomed to and it’s been difficult for me to find time in solitude – to allow for the natural flow of words to spill onto the page; although time for mediation and walking have managed to remain a part of my morning or evening routine;
It’s Sunday, now 6:05 a.m. and the day promises to be full of sunshine like yesterday when I finally had some hours to clean my house with Murphy’s oil soap on the kitchen cabinets and the entryway; vacuumed all of the floor areas and did some highlighted dusting; went for a walk and ate a late lunch which turned into dinner – afterwards I was tired and napped until 8 pm or so, then a spurt of energy kept me awake until 11:30 pm. Telephone calls accompanied me after cleaning and laundry – I enjoyed the sun shine wearing green shorts and a white sleeveless shirt as I pocketed my phone and blue-tooth headset, laced up tennis shoes for a walk, and headed out the door and into my neighborhood to give my body some exercise.
The rhythm of the day was broken by the return of my loved one in mid-afternoon. Silence was just beginning to settle into my mind and body. It is in these silent moments that creativity reveals itself.
Life and love in the time of corona has been difficult for me, with less rest and more work. My second grandson was born April 30th and this weekend we were going to see him, however, my loved one had a scratchy throat earlier, probably allergies but, traveling to see a newborn without knowing for sure if that’s all this was, we decided to wait.
My head is full of pollen and my ears and nose are not happy with the thick yellow dust.
The birds outside my office grace the back yard as the clouds begin to gently dissipate and dark skies give way to morning light.
The grocery store is a dreaded place for me these days. I wouldn’t mind going if everyone would wear their facemasks and keep the designated six feet apart for social distancing. The numbers of COVID19 positive cases have continued to climb here as tests are finally filtering into our area.
A friend shared with me yesterday, he feels like he’s been placed in his room as if he had done something wrong. As he spent more time with himself, and less time running from place to place, he began to understand that this is a time for personal reflection and introspection. And it’s been good! I couldn’t agree more.
Most people have ‘sheltered in place’ since March 19th I’m told – almost two months. The government has given all people money in the amount of $1200/adult and $500/child to assist all of us with some sort of reassurance that we would eventually be able to return to work.
Those whose jobs no longer seem essential and many businesses have closed and it’s unknown who will survive this shutdown of our economy all over the world.
Those who are working are called Essential workers. These include hospitals, nursing homes, administrative supports, transportation drivers and farmers, IT support, and those guardians of people who are unable to make decisions for themselves and depend on their guidance and support of their guardians, companies who are manufacturing facemasks, ventilators, pharmacies and grocery stores, gas stations, emergency and waste management services.
The skies have never been bluer or the air, cleaner – I believe we all must UNITE and adjust to our planet’s cries and the cries of people of every nation.
I’ve come up with a list called the GREEN LAWS
Every country worldwide need cease all manufacturing, nonessential air and highway travel for two consecutive days each week to keep our atmosphere clean;
Face coverings should be worn and the social distancing of 6′ should be maintained in all large settings;
ALL fracking and tree destruction should completely cease
Trains should be implemented with limited cars to keep the spread of the invisible virus in check
Time to ourselves is mandatory if we are to find creative ways to coexist with our planet and each other
Plant gardens and share your surplus
Plant trees and observe enforce zoning laws that allow for all people to have gardens for fresh vegetables and fruit to grow
Enjoy the earth and its fruits – pick up your garbage
Take care of those who are struggling – the homeless, the mentally ill, the aged
Remember we are stewards of this planet – no more dumping waste into the ocean
No more plastic – think of something different
Education should be a given for ALL people regardless of socioeconomic status and birth control should be taught so that people will not explode and destroy what is here
Each country should manufacture what they need using clean emission practices only
We are all ONE
This is a lot of change – what are your creative ideas and solutions telling you?
My father used to say to me, the sun comes up and the sun goes down. In other words, you can count on this each day. If I couldn’t focus on anything else, I could observe these two certainties even if it was raining, snowing, sleeting, or a bright sunny day. He was right!
Since my first piece entitled Week 1 – Wake Up Call, there have been many other reflections and happenings. These changes and awarenesses for me have consisted of these:
a suggested practice of gratitude every morning with my colleagues to start our work day
we are among the few who are considered essential services and continue to have a job to drive to and show up during the week – we’ve gone through feelings of guilt and gratefulness, and our workload has increased as we do our best to take care of the many Guardians who are caring for the many who have no one else to comfort, guide and tend to their needs. We all feel that this service is very humbling and we are all very grateful to work with such loving individuals.
face masks (if you are fortunate to have one) are worn daily when going out into the public for grocery shopping, a walk for exercise depending upon whether or not we are in a place of contact with others
hand washing is paramount
do not touch your face
wash your work clothes each day
keeping the distance between ourselves is very important
Shelter in Place means one must stay in the confines of their home or land if you are fortunate to have land or a neighborhood to walk in
there is no testing available as of yet for all personnel
nurses, doctors, caregivers, pharmacists, clerks in the grocery store, hardware store do not have face masks or gloves
a cure or vaccine has not been created yet
there is no definitive timeline as to when life as we were living it will return
Gratitude/ Lessons learning
As I read my daily devotionals and meditated upon what I gleaned, what I am learning during this pandemic in my dot on the globe, my observations and reflections consists of some of these:
The air has never been cleaner
The sound of stillness while strange, allows me to listen to the earth, the birds, the water in our pond as it flows from the waterfall
How essential it is to check on the heart and mind of those around me – calls me to create notes or cards of love – to connect with my heart and prayer
I pray each morning and night and have posted to FaceBook at 9 pm Prayer and Meditation for all who wish to join me for 3 minutes or more for our world
Gratitude for what we have is essential
Lastly, I would like to share a Prayer with you that sums up what is in my heart and mind.
Prayer during a time of Unknowingness
Dear God, True Source,
Please hear the prayers of many for our world, for the hungry, the homeless, our families, children, neighbors, friends and those we know and those we don’t.
There is much to be grateful for and much we have taken for granted. Forgive us for any prejudices and any unkind words spoken or unspoken. Forgive us for past or future excess in our life. As I write this I remember Jesus saying just ‘come and follow me’. They didn’t pack a basket, bag, suitcase – life was walked in Faith that all would be well. And all was well.
Please shower the earth with your Grace.
Forgive us for those we have not taken care of and for our world and its pain and suffering that so many have ignored its cries.
May peace, health, love and healing return to all beings and all living things of the earth. May we never take for granted again that which has been so beautifully provided by you for us. May we share and exchange words of kindness like the birds who fly effortlessly through the sky and converse every morning with politeness.
The Golden Rule: Do unto other as you would have them do unto you.
Years ago, I traveled with my son, age four to Austin Texas in a 3 on the column chocolate brown with white camper GMC Truck and no A/C. We would drive 8 hours then stop at a La Quinta for the night, rested, eat, and drive another for a period of three 8 hour legs. We finally arrived in Austin and visited a head shop during that time called Oat Willies. They had a bumper sticker which I later attached to my truck that read Onward through the Fog.
On foggy mornings, like the one we’re having today, those words come to mind with a different meaning.
First things First
Make a List
Write a bit
Pray and Meditate
Stretch, walk, exercise
Create something that makes me smile
Leaving you with the same excitation: Onward through the Fog!
Pack a bag with all that I desire for myself and loved ones in the year that follows – a tradition I’ve been celebrating for over 20 years
Red underwear for a year of romance and passion says the Italians
Yellow underwear for health claim the CostaRicans
Mix and match I say
Writing a list of desires and packing them in a bag to walk out into the New Year at the stroke of mid-night with a prayer – an intention in my heart for myself and others packed neatly and carried by my side
A sparkler or popper, firework or two with a piece of dark chocolate and a sip of something sparkling to clink as my love and I greet and love our way into a New Year
2020 – 60 awaits me, I’m half way there – hopefully, healthier and wiser – living my dreams instead of just dreaming them
traveling wherever we would like to go with enough to sustain us and share as we go